Fact: You have one less day today.
It is never an easy feeling to hear someone is dead. What do you mean they are gone? Then how do they live rent free in my mind still? There has to be more to the picture then alive one day, and then dead the next day, forever. Or is it that they go elsewhere. A different dimension? An afterworld?” Or do they fade away forever?
The first time I recall dying in a dream took place in my late teens. The dream scene took place a wonderful skyscraper apartment overlooking a futuristic city. I was within the company of my oldest brother. Suddenly, silver blimps started invading the city and launched a missile strike. Before I could even react, I saw a missile go directly for my brother and I. There was no time left, I needed to take control of my final moment. I yelled out the most important thing I could think of. I reached out my hand to my brother and told him “I Love You.”
I forgot about this dream until recently when I started to explore the nature of death. I’ve had a string of people strangely lose their fathers in a short timespan. Moreover, I heard a story of an old pal that allegedly committed suicide. To top it all off, I had a dream my father died and I was the last one to speak to him.
Despite recent news, I have always been interested in death. I’ve lost count of how many times I have died in my dreams after my first one. Those dreams are almost always interesting and they seem to stick to my mind. It is important.
My obsession with death sounds morbid, but it is really pleasant to hear different perspectives on death. A lot of people avoid the subject because naturally it can be terror inducing, however, like any concept, the more you learn about it, the less scary and more interesting it becomes. Death as a subject can become a friend.
Some people seem to believe that our souls are eternal. Why should this current life of mine actually matter then? If my soul is forever, then why should I stress about anything at all? This does not feel right because then why am I so anxious all the time? Who is telling me to be afraid of death?
On another note, why is it that when I look at my late uncle’s photo, I can sense his aura embracing me like it once did. Why is it then, that when I see my late grandmother’s photo, I am reminded that love is real. No one gave a hug like her and this is true of even her hugs in my dreams.
Dreams are another thing. Sometimes I have a dream with someone from childhood who have been effectively dead to me for years, yet their aura remain perfectly intact as to how I remembered, and it felt real.
Here’s another trippy idea: what did life feel like before I was born? I get no subconscious feeling arise from that question, which is weird to me. It’s as if I have zero data on the matter. It feels like nothing to me honestly. Perhaps then, that is also what it feels like to be gone? Nothingness.
I decided to take the query into religious territory by calling my mother and discussing the topic of death. I told her about my dream of my father dying. She hit me with the – “well, I guess you are at that age already.” I am 29 years old. She tells me that there is nothing to fear because I’m in tune with the spirit of God. Interesting, my mother believes in an afterlife, but she also takes life seriously.
I’m a lot more gentle with religious people nowadays. Sometimes I play their game just to make my mother happy. I confessed to her that I think many people are sick because they are not with God’s love. She totally agreed and it caused me joy.
I’m not sure where I am yet with death. I have a lot of intuitive ideas about what might happen after death. Maybe I’ll wake up in another dream. After all, within dreams for the most part, I have no idea that I am dreaming until I wake up. Who is to say I won’t wake up elsewhere? Maybe I am reborn in a different parallel dimension and live a different life. Maybe nothing happens. I will say, the most likely theory for me is nothingness based on the end of my first death dream:
Suddenly, everything started to slowly fade to black. There was no struggle as to what felt like a spirit leave my sense of consciousness. The more this sensation continued to happen, the more at ease I felt. By the end of my life in this dream, I ultimately felt nothing.
Neither pleasure, nor pain. Did I Stay Cosmic?
Hopefully.
Song of the week: Conrad Tokyo
Cosmic Latte 
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