1.21.24

At this pivotal moment in my life, a month after my 29th birthday, I find myself in a state of introspection and growth. As a professional athlete might be at their peak, I, too, feel at a prime of sorts, albeit in a different context. This period has been marked by a profound connection to Lil Dickey’s “Going Gray,” where the song echoes my own feelings of a youthful mind contrasted with the inevitable signs of aging. A thought from Sam Harris resonates deeply with me: “Each day you wake up, is one less day to live.” This notion of fleeting time has been a constant companion in my thoughts.

Mentally, I sense the cusp of a significant breakthrough. Sam Harris’ Waking Up app has sparked a deep contemplation about the nature of consciousness and its influence on my focus. Despite holding a bachelor’s degree in psychology, I’m currently a sterile processing technician, a role attainable with merely a high school diploma. This disparity between my qualifications and my occupation reflects a shift in my younger self’s certainty of destined success to a more intrinsic pursuit of understanding the fundamental nature of reality. How do we, as part of society, navigate our existence without fully grasping its essence?

I’ve observed that those chasing financial wealth often sacrifice more than I’m willing to part with – time and essence of self. Given a choice between doubling my salary for the same hours or working half as much for my current pay, I would unhesitatingly opt for the latter. Freedom and leisure hold immense value to me.

Surrounded by widespread discontent, I often feel a mix of guilt and gratitude for my own relative happiness. This satisfaction, I believe, stems from extensive self-reflection and psychological growth, affirming the adage, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” However, this journey of self-discovery has unraveled new complexities, prompting existential inquiries such as the very existence of ‘self.’

These profound questions render small talk superficial for me. How can one engage in mundane conversations when our fundamental understanding of existence might be flawed? The priority, in my view, should be a discourse on reality itself.

Simultaneously, I’m increasingly devoted to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, which has become more than a hobby – it’s an addiction. Jiu-Jitsu, alongside meditation, offers me a pathway to a flow state, fully engaging my attention and providing immense satisfaction. While content with these activities, my aspirations continue to evolve, and I sense readiness for the next significant leap in my life’s journey.