In my day-to-day life, I continue to encounter claims that “men are becoming too feminized.” I usually hear it from a man in a way that insinuates disgust and contempt as if it is a grand conspiracy from society and leading to all of our problems. I’m not going to outright deny those claims as false, for I haven’t delved much into these matters, but I will say that getting men in touch with their feminine sides is in no way problematic by itself.
I think the issue stems from the controversy surrounding the phrase “toxic masculinity.” I understand toxic masculinity as problems that arise within men who are hyper-focused on proving their manliness, so much so they become overly clingy to traditionally masculine traits and block out anything that essentially may make them look “like a bitch.” Regardless of the validity of toxic masculinity, many people (particularly men) have taken the term to equate to masculinity is bad. This is false. I merely see this as an idea that says if you are too focused on proving that you are manly, problems can arise. If a man is made a fool in an argument and wants to fight to prove that he is manlier than his adversary, that is undoubtedly toxic. Personally, I do think toxic masculinity exists as well as the less common term toxic femininity. It seems to boil down to believing as a man that being feminine is bad and believing as a woman that being masculine is bad. Both ideas are completely moronic.
If there is one idea that I want to stress that many people get wrong is that masculine does not necessarily equate to male and feminine does not necessarily equate to female. Similar to the Yin and Yang, masculinity and femininity are simply energies that are associated with being male or female. Yes, by nature men are generally more masculine and women are more feminine, but it does not mean that you are only stuck with one. The hormone testosterone is heavily associated with men and the hormone estrogen is heavily associated with women. Guess what? THEY ARE BOTH PRESENT IN BOTH SEXES.
By nature, you are literally both masculine and feminine. This is known as androgyny and was brought up by the legendary psychiatrist Carl Jung many years ago. He used two terms called the animus and anima that delve into this idea. The animus is the latent masculine energy within a woman whereas the anima is the latent feminine energy of the man. Both of these energies essentially animate our souls and help us function properly.
The way I see it, both of these energies manifest themselves for our individual benefit similar to offensive and defensive capabilities within a basketball player. Imagine shaming Ben Simmons for wanting to enhance or get in touch with his offensive side and telling him to “maintain his role” as a defensive player. That sounds insane. You want him to be able to develop the entirety of his talents as much as possible. This is how I feel when I hear someone shaming a man for getting in touch with his femininity. You are limiting who he can be in life and that is immoral. Moreover, to deny any energy only alienates you from the other. How are you supposed to relate to your son as a woman if you blatantly ignore your inner masculine? How are you supposed to connect with a lady if you lack a feminine spirit? Think about the stereotypical gay man; they have a boatload of female friends. It is because they can relate to the feminine spirit!
To circle back to the feminization of men, I do not think it is an issue because it does not mean that their masculine energies are being left to rot. However, if you begin to outright neglect your dominant energy in favor of the other, then that can be highly problematic. That would be like Steph Curry choosing to not shoot threes anymore because he thinks it is ruining the game of basketball. At the end of the day, you should be developing your natural talent foremost to your advantage. But to be a superstar, you better develop your entire game. Why be a one-sided player like James Harden, when you can be Michael Jordan?
Cosmic Latte 